BlogTalk: Honesty

When I first started this blog, I had no idea what to post about. So I posted about the small things. Photos of lighting fixtures I liked, maybe a recipe, a pic of something on Etsy that caught my eye. But it was all so... small... on the surface... glimpses, not deep meaningful looks, at my life. As the posts went on, I got better at sharing more about me like life as a new mother and family pictures. But still...

Its all a well-curated version of reality, isn't it? This blogging thing? And then I came across this post today by Erin of Design For Mankind who was participating in this thought-provoking campaign initiated by EZ of Creature Comforts who was in turn inspired by Jess. The idea was simple: to encourage bloggers to be more honest and share some of those things we keep hidden away from the blog. I'm seeing it more and more on the blogs I read... like A-M who bravely shared about the online bullying she was experiencing on her blog, or Nicole talking about her new normal. And its a wonderful thing.

Blogs have a way of inspiring you - but in the same breath, they can make you feel less worthy. That your life is less glamourous, less beautiful, less perfect than those you see through the lens of your screen. I know I'm guilty of it - showing you the perfectly styled bedroom - without showing you the (constant) mess I have in my drawers or the (constant) pile of laundry waiting to be put away in the corner. So for today's BlogTalk, I think I'll talk about some things I haven't talked about before - and maybe you'll join in too on this wave of drawing the curtain back and shining a bit of light in the shadows.

1. I like to think I'm organized, but really I'm a closet hoarder. I have too much stuff but I keep it looking neat by stuffing it behind closed doors. I have things I know I should throw away but I keep thinking I'll need them some day so I hang on. My dresser drawers are overflowing with sweaters I haven't worn in six years and 14 pairs of pajamas.
2. I think I could do a better job at being a mom. These days, my sweet three-year-old tests my patience. I've reached my limit lately and have had found myself shouting more and being increasingly frustrated. I also feel a constant guilt that I'm not teaching her enough, playing with her enough. I secretly hope the basement will encourage me to do more crafty creative things with her.
3. I worry that blogging isn't good for my health. I'm so immersed in this world now - writing blog posts, reading blogs (for pleasure, for networking and research), creating a conference for bloggers, providing consulting services to bloggers and sponsors - that I spend hours upon hours sitting in front of a computer. I know I should fit exercise into my day, but to do what I need to get done, I need to sit. A lot.
4. I worry that I won't be able to make a living at whatever it is I'm doing. I have a lot of things on the go but I don't know which, if any, are sustainable over the long term. Am I making a career - or am I making a handful of part-time jobs? HandyMan is wonderfully supportive but I have this constant nagging feeling that I'm not pulling my weight around here.
5. I get a bit anxious with most of the blog posts I write. Sometimes I think I'm not qualified to talk about the things I talk about. Like BlogTalk. Or designing a room. Other times, I fear I come off sounding like an idiot. When I hit publish, I wonder how many readers I just lost with what I wrote.

My guess? Four.

Well, that felt refreshing. And terrifying.